Dear Mr and Mrs Haden

It’s only rape when the cheque bounces…
1. Why is your first instinct to distrust the woman?
2.If there is a contract for sex and the cheque bounces (with no intention to pay) then sex has been obtained under false pretenses and this can hardly be considered consensual.
3. Sex workers can be raped – rape is rape no matter who you are.

We live in an equal society.
Pah! As long as men like you Mr. Haden can make comments like this on TV and the men beside you stay quiet then it’s not an equal society. I won:t mention the rates of sexual abuse, domestic violence, or pay equity… as they’re really just too obvious.

Women are targetting these poor rugby players.
Poor poor boys. But really don’t they have any self control?

Women will cry rape with rugby player just to get the attention or money?
1. This is hard if you’re unconscious.
2. The conviction rate is so low for sexual abuse and the court process so traumatic that this is very very unlikely.
3. It is only men who think their mates are being persecuted or that the gods should not be challenged and the women who have disassociated from the experiences of their female friends/or their own experiences who don’t understand this.

The National Collective of Rape Crisis only commented to get some media coverage.
WTF – this is a really quite extreme level of delusion. Rape Crisis and refuge exist for a reason.The majority of women in this country will at some stage in their lives be victims of violence. This is a reason to be very very angry. The comment by Rape Crisis was incredibly restrained – considering.

6 responses to “Dear Mr and Mrs Haden

  1. Rachael Goldsmith

    You wrote my thoughts, so obviously we are not alone in our disgust. Well said Jan!!!

  2. point 1 is quite interesting….

    is this a current case?

    sex work is legal in nz, eh? it’s illegal as crack here so i’m trying to read this out of ‘cultural lens’

  3. He wasn’t making comments to offend the entire female population. He was simply pointing out that the ‘girl’ agreed to have sex with the rugby player. Yes it was for sex the previous night, but what did she expect. She meet some guy she didn’t even know and had sex with him, and then what, expected him to be prince charming. She knew exactly what she was getting into, she put her self in that situation, she set her self up for that outcome. How can you call it rape, if she decided to have sex with him hours before, and she agreed to sleep next to him for that night, she agreed to have sex with a stranger not knowing his sexual behavior. She was enough of a slut to have sex with someone she had just meet, if she didn’t want anything like ‘rape’ to happen to her, why didn’t she leave after finishing sex with him that evening. Instead, she had enough trust in him to sleep 1ft away from him for the night. It was her stupidity that caused her to have that experience. Obviously I am not saying the girl that walks home at 3am who gets raped, deserves it because she put her self in that situation (the dangerous street’s at 3am) but she simply may have had no choice, or may have had a moment of stupidity. But the difference in the this case, is the girl put her self in that situation, and made the choice to be in an environment where she had and increased chance of rape, she willingly made choice to have sex with him, and then spend the night next to him. You can hardly call this rape. Plain and simple this girl was a slut, who accepted money to keep quiet, then waited until they couldn’t take any action for her running to the media and then once she had spent all the money decided to be selfish and run to the media, and make statements such as “if I had the money I would give it back” if she really thought it was rape she would have gone to the police that day and made a statement, why did she accept the money? She didn’t think what he did was wrong, or was rape. She would rather have made a quick buck than report his actions to the police, who could potentially say that he didn’t commit the act of rape.

  4. Hi Jan, I was so angry when I heard what Andy Haden said on Deaker. I almost couldn’t verbalise just how outraged I felt. How dare he!! It prompted a conversation with my sister-in-law who used to work in a hotel that rugby league teams would stay where she would be subject to sexual harrasment and witness to yound women being taken advantage of sexually and humiliated for the groups gratification. You’re right poor, poor men being targeted and preyed upon.

  5. Kamaia – aye!
    Rachel – ta.

    KT – yeah and no. The guy was referring to a current case of a rugby player who is said to have raped a sleeping women and The Hugh Grant situation. Not sure I can fully explain his thinking.

    Allen – whoah. I imagine our world views are going to be so different that you may not be able to understand my comments but who knows. There’s a lot more I could say but for a start..

    One – why is the woman a slut and not the guy? Why should bad things happen to her and not to him? You’ve said it was her stupidity that caused her to have that experience. Wasn’t he stupid?

    Two – Your view that she said yes the day before so she has to say yes the next day seems to me to be the same thinking that said a woman couldn’t be raped in a marriage. This is just wrong. Sex requires consent everytime. If you don’t understand this I really hope you’re celibate.

    Three – your comment that if it had really been rape she would have gone to the police that day demonstrates a complete ignorance of the dynamics of sexual abuse and reporting. Admitting what has happened is often hard enough let alone telling anyone else, knowing the chances of not being believed are pretty high and the chances of being labeled or blamed even higher. Going to the police and reporting a rape is a step the majority of women, and men, never manage – with good reasons. Going to the police opens you up to everyone saying what they think they know of you. Sadly these comments all too often echo yours Allen. This is not something most women want.

    Four – the streets are dangerous. Actually not so much for women. For us our homes and places with people we know are more dangerous than the streets at 3am.

  6. All I am saying is she that she is claiming to be the victim, yet no one has listened to his side of the story, not that he deserves it. She is hardly a rape victim, for many reasons including the fact that she accepted money to keep quiet. You are right about rape victims, how they are reluctant to go to the police or even tell anyone. But it is alleged that she wanted to go to the media and tell the whole world straight after. Yet instead she accepted money to keep quiet, so wouldn’t that prove she was willing to tell people. Yes wife’s can be raped by their husbands, yet this usually isn’t looked at as rape because of the reason that they are married, and they have once agreed to have sex with each other, similar to this situation in a way. I never said he wasn’t a slut, or a bad person he is defiantly not a good person, the girl didn’t deserve what happened to her but how do we know that she didn’t target rugby players, if she didn’t want to get into that situation she should have stayed home, or found a guy that she could get to know better, not saying that would keep her from getting raped but it would decrease the chances. The streets at 3am comment was just an example, yes most rape occurs with friends or family of victims, and so do homicides. I don’t understand why everyone is so angry at Andy Haden, most of what he said was true, shouldn’t we be angry at the alleged rapist. I would say that I have much less sympathy for the girl as she accepted money to keep quiet about the incident and then ran to the media after she had spend the money. He is disgusting, and any person who forces sex on another is, but everyone needs to stop acting like she is such a princess who did nothing wrong.

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